WHO BLEW OUT MY CANDLE?

There is a saying that ‘if something makes you happy, keep it to yourself’– This is not true about everything, I believe knowledge that is useful and empowering should be shared – but that quote is said in different forms by many people because some people cannot stand others being
happy, or want what everyone else has and will be willing to destroy it if necessary.

Growing up as a child in a third-world nation, there were many power outages. At that time, there were no electric backup inverters or solar panels; there were hardly any lights with rechargeable batteries or power banks, and hardly any generators.

The streets were dark but still safe, so most kids would come out to play if it was not too late at
night. We had kerosene lamps and candles to light up the streets and our homes.

Sometimes the candle became our ‘play focus’; we played games using our shadow as toys. Games
included but were not exclusive to ‘touch the flame’, or one of the children could pretend to
perform karate over the candle without it falling or being knocked off.

Sometimes, there would be a mean kid, most likely an older kid, who would sneak up and blow out
the candle, leaving all the other kids in the dark, screaming and crying.

I was very scared of the dark as a child, and this made me an easy target for candle blowers.
They would blow out the candle and run away, leaving me screaming and groping in the dark for the nearest person, to hold on to someone so tight I won’t be alone in the dark.

Now that we are older, I’m no longer afraid of the dark, but I know that purpose ‘candle blowers’
still exist, with an even more determined and strategised means of attacking our light.
‘Candle blowers’ are those who want to steal the very thing that powers or drives you; they want to
stop the source of what guides you; they want to snuff out anything that seems bright or attractive
about you or makes you happy.

Of course, we should not become paranoid and treat everyone as an enemy out to destroy us, but
we must be discerning of the ways jealous and small-minded people can scheme to hurt us.

Here are some simple tips:

1. Learn to light your own candle.
Choose to be happy and confident in yourself. Develop trust and faith in yourself without needing affirmation or validation from anyone. If you always need affirmation from people or other people’s company to be happy, then you set yourself up as an easy target for manipulators and abusers. Learn to find the things that bring you joy and peace, with or without the company of people. Focus on building friendships with confident people, but first learn to be confident.

2. Intentionally learn self -reliance by seeking growth. Practice showing up for yourself.
Learn the basics of how to survive, thrive and build on your own merit. Even when things
go wrong, you are not helpless; you know you can get back on top. This does not mean
not asking for help, feedback, support or advice from people. It simply means ‘learn to
have your own back’, where you can trust your judgement and not quit when things are
hard, even when no one else is there to pick you up or encourage you.

That being said, it is amazing to have people in your corner. We go further and do better
when we have a circle of supportive, loyal and honest people in our lives. But the reality is that not
everyone has them in their lives yet.

We can change the world by choosing to be the person to someone that we need in our lives.

Refuse to be a candle blower. Be someone who encourages and uplifts others. Compliment people, celebrate the successes of others, and always see the good in people around you.
Light up the lives of others by being a good friend, mentor, supporter, cheerleader and intercessor when the need arises. Remember, you always reap what you sow.

Let me know about your candle blower experience or how you helped someone; I would love to
hear from you.

You can write a comment, send an email or reach out through social media platforms on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram using the handle Tomi Sule Emmanuel.

Cheers to a happier, more helpful version of you!