In the movie “Runaway Bride”, a journalist was intrigued by the story of a woman who had been a
bride three times but never made it to the altar. He meets with her when she is preparing for her next wedding and follows her around for his story.
While they are having breakfast at a restaurant, her fiancé orders a particular omelette, and she
decides to try the same thing. The journalist observes this seemingly unnecessary detail and, while
interviewing all her ex-fiancés, notices a unique trend among them: she liked her eggs differently
with each of them.
What struck me was that when each of them was asked, “How did she like her eggs?”, they all
confidently replied with a different answer.
For those who are dating or who have been married, there are many times we assume we know the
person we are in a relationship with, and we could be confidently wrong.
This runaway bride had not discovered for herself how she liked her eggs and always conformed to loving eggs the way the person she was with at the time loved them, so they assumed they knew her or they were soul mates because they liked similar things until she left them at the altar.
Sadly, this does not apply to romantic relationships only; it often applies to various life relationships.
We place people in a box, assuming we know and understand certain parts of them. What is even more tragic is that we often let people carry on with the charade of assumptions about us.
Perhaps it is because we want to fit in and be accepted, or maybe we do not wish to offend or
upset certain relationships.
In some cases, we may not have dug deep enough or paid attention to ourselves long enough to discover our tastes and desires.
Before you object, get defensive and brag about your individuality and sense of independence and
self-awareness, answer this question sincerely: Did you ever go on a date, or a group outing at work
or among friends, and they ordered something for you and brag about how lovely it is, claiming you will love it. You nod and smile politely when you see it, maybe even say ‘thank you’ and comment about how delicious it is, though you hate it.
How many times have you told a colleague or loved one that a hairstyle, outfit, idea or even a meal they cooked was lovely, simply because you wanted to be polite?
I can recall a dozen times when people have done something to please me, going out of their way to surprise or make me happy, believing they were doing something I would love, and I’m thinking to myself, ‘That definitely is not for me!’
There have also been times when I assumed I knew what people would like and didn’t bother to ask.
I remember when we first got married, I was cooking my husband’s eggs a particular way, and he
seemed to like it. Then, one day, years later, he laid out some vegetables on the counter and said, I
don’t like this in my eggs, I prefer this and that… and here I was thinking I knew him in-toto!
Do you know how many marriages and work relationships would be saved if we could ask, ‘How do
you like your eggs?’ It is always safer to ask than to assume in relationships.
We must embark on a journey of self-awareness and discovery, asking ourselves the simple,
essential and frequently unasked questions: Who am I? What do I love the most? What matters to
me? How do I like to be treated? What defines me? What ticks me off? What is my favourite or most appealing form of apology?
Discover how you like your ‘eggs’ and be open and willing to share them with the people who love you.
When stepping into a new dynamic in a relationship or even with those you have known for years, don’t assume you know how they want to be treated or that they haven’t evolved in their
perspective or reactions. Study them like a course, and when in doubt, ask, “How do you like your
eggs?”
Refuse to let anyone dictate what you can or cannot do, or who you can or cannot be. Dare
to discover you, stand up to those who question your originality. The best thing that can
happen to a person is to discover the treasure in them and have the boldness to let it shine through.
Here are some quotes to sum it up:
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” – Coco Chanel
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” – Harvey Fiestein
