1. Be Open and Accessible: Don’t shut yourself off from the world; be friendly, sociable, and
available to serve in a way that aligns with your values.
You may not have a very active social life when you are married because of increased responsibilities, so this is your chance to build friendships that will stand the test of time.
Besides, how will you meet a potential spouse if you don’t go out to meet people and interact?
2. Find Your Well: Rebecca in the bible met the person who would introduce her to her future
husband because she went to the ‘well’.
The well served as a social meeting point for shepherds and maidens, as it was the primary source of water, and young people often gathered there.
It was a good place to exchange greetings and chat while you waited for your turn to fetch water, making it an excellent spot for the beginning of many promising friendships.
Your watering hole or ‘well’ is a place you can visit or commute to often and connect with like minded people.
It could be a gym, a church department, a sports team, community group or a new hobby to meet new people.
The idea is to make friends and get to know them – without an agenda.
When you are in a relaxed atmosphere with people, they get to know you, and potential relationships can begin.
Remember, the quality of the places you go, determines the quality of people you will meet.
Anyone you meet in a place with questionable or undefined values may be the source of disaster, swindled accounts, date rape and regret.
Choose your social activities wisely and be discerning as you interact with people.
3. Pay attention to YOU: To be good company to others, you must learn how to be good company to yourself first. You can’t support your future spouse and be a backbone when you haven’t learnt how to heal and encourage yourself.
A successful marriage is the coming together of two whole people, not two unsure or broken individuals.
This is why the saying “You complete me” is wrong because no human being can complete another person.
You may feel better around someone, you may have chemistry and a great time whenever you meet, but feelings and vibes are not enough to build a lasting relationship.
You need to spend time to truly and fully know yourself first, not based on the praises or criticism of others but based on your own experience of your passion, motivation, desires and plans for your life.
Focus on YOU, focus on building your career, on building your character- BECOMING a peaceful, patient and loving person-, and on building your dreams; that way, when they come along, they will be proud and feel so lucky to be with someone like you.
4. Be Patient and Discerning: I know this seems cliché or maybe unbelievable if you are way past
your 30s and under pressure to settle down, but the most mistakes in life happen when you are in a hurry. Count the cost of getting married and be sure that you are ready. Please don’t get married for the sake of someone else, or for society; do it for yourself.
You will be the only one in the marriage with someone else, so search your spirit and your
heart before you make up your mind that you are ready. Desperate choices lead to desperate mistakes, so take your time getting to know people you potentially want to marry and yourself. Your future spouse will appreciate you more for it. You are open to making the most significant mistakes, which may not be recoverable, when you are too eager to get hitched.
Haven’t you noticed that people who seem not to be looking for a relationship always seem to have chasers? Maybe waiting a little before you commit to a relationship will save you from avoidable heartbreaks, bankruptcy and abuse.
5. Grow, improve, but don’t change: I have seen cases where people lower their standards,
pretend to be who they are not, and disregard their values, only to be heartbroken in the
end.
If anyone cannot love you for who you are, then you are better off without them. Be the best version of yourself, but by all means, never try to be someone you are not just to keep a relationship.
Discovering that someone is not who they presented themselves to be can be the biggest shock in marriage. Imagine a situation where, during the dating period, the man is a romantic gentleman, but reveals the caveman after marriage, turning a wonderful wife into a bitter and disappointed woman.
Some ladies hate the heat of the kitchen but pretend to be a domestic goddess to attract a husband and reveal themselves after marriage, much to the disappointment of their husbands.
Let your future spouse see you as someone imperfect but who values growth and self-improvement. It is important to be open-minded, teachable and willing to change, but don’t create a fantasy of perfection to trap someone.
Cheers to a better you and a great future.
